Wednesday, January 25, 2012

2nd Weigh In...and the judges are out

Last week: 244.4
This week: 244.4

Exactly the same. Which in some ways I can see as a blessing. For starter's, after gaining 1.8 lbs last week, after my WW meeting my boyfriend and I went out for dinner to Earls and I got a giant, bbq-ey, cheesy, saucy burger. And fries. I'm sure I don't need to tell you that it was delicious but it was only a temporary pick-me-up from the gain I had in my first week back and after I was left feeling gross and guilty. The week that followed brought with it dinners out, lots of wine, take-out food, long days at work with little to no food planning, missed appointments at the gym and no food tracking....I'm content with staying the same.

I am annoyed with myself, but I know that it's something I have to move on from and learn from. Today, I got up early and showered and made my food for at work. I had toast and peanut butter this morning for breakfast with tea, my midmorning snack I had a protein shake, and for lunch later I'm going to have a spinach salad with scallops! Yummmmmm. Later tonight, it's gym night and I'm making my boyfriend come with me. I have to see my trainer at 7:30 and I know she's going to kick my butt good! I really want to start feeling better about myself so this week is going to be all about tracking!

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Ummm....what?

It's taken me a while to really process this...but I weighed in at weight watchers on Tuesday night and I gained 1.8 pounds. In my first week? WTF body! I was STOKED to go weigh in. I hadn't cheated, I tracked all my meals, I went to the gym...and I went up? Not going to let this side track me though. This past week, I still went to the gym, I tracked everything and was within my points and I'm hoping for a much better result on the scale!

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Weight Watchers, Revisited

Welcome to my new space! I have an older blog that, for the time being, I think I'm going to put on hold. If you would like to visit it, check out the back story, please check out [238] and Shrinking. As much as I loved it (and I still do love it), I kept saying that I was going to come back to it and I was going to start blogging more but it never really happened. This is the newest, snazziest, updated version of what's going on with me!

2012....is starting to be a very busy year. I've gone through so many changes in the past 12 months, and may of these changes have not been good for me. I've hit a new record high in regards to my weight: 242.6 lbs as measured last Tuesday evening when I signed up for Weight Watchers again. I spend a good chuck of the last 6 months being overly concerned with other people and doing what was best for them instead of taking care of myself. Without getting into specifics, I've come out the other end now and I'm eating properly, going to the gym, and surrounding myself with people who love me.

Little bit about me for those just joining us: I'm 21, living in Vancouver (one of the "fittest" cities in the world?) and there's really not a lot else to say other than I've been overweight my whole life. As long as I can remember. Like others in my situation, I was always teased and harassed because of it. Couple that will social awkwardness and poor fashion sense, I was a walking target with no close friends to back me up. I've never really had a best friend. There was always someone else that was placed above or in front of me. It's taken me a long time but I'm finally starting to see myself properly. I'm teaching myself that I am worth someone's time and I should be allowed to place myself first!

Which brings us to last week. I've been thinking about signing up for Weight Watchers again since a little before Christmas, but who wants to count points when there are dips, and pastries and gravy around? Tuesday I wandered around the recreation center where the meetings are held and without hesitation handed over my money to learn about this new program they have. And then I had to weigh in. Yikes! I knew it wasn't going to be good, but I always thought that as bad as it was getting, it wasn't the worst I've been though. Well, yes it was worse. 4 little pounds worse. When I'm this heavy, I'm no longer aware of myself. I'm not in tune with my own body, maybe because I'm not used to listening to what it wants. My brain wants a double cheese burger, so body, let's go grab a double cheese burger. While we're here, let's make it a meal...and if I'm still hungry, let's throw in a second burger for the road.

Last time I was losing weight, I could tell when I was getting sick, when I was PMSing, stairs were easier to climb but now I'm huffing when I get to the top of the smallest staircase. And that makes me embarrassed. I want to feel good about myself and right now, I don't feel like anything looks good on me. My underwear was getting tight for goodness sake!

But! I can't spoil everything is the first entry or else I'll run out of things to talk about! My goal for this week is to drink water, lots and lots of water. This is something I've always struggled with so I'll be sure to fill you all in how it goes!